los hombres que ame

Mi primer beso

Creo que uno de los sentimientos que mas se trata de recrear en una relacion tiene que ver con lo que se siente cuando se da el primer beso. El primer beso 

How I felt and how I delt...

I was 24 when I found out I was pregnant. It was a few days after my boyfriend's birthday. We felt very in love with each other and our relationship was the best we had ever had. A baby was not part of our plans because we had only been dating for 3 months. When I made the decision to make love, I had decided that I would choose to terminate in case of an unplanned pregnancy. I was only 3 semesters away from graduating with my bachellor's and I didn't have time to wait, besides financially I wouldn't be able to handle it. Another thing I had promised myself is that I wouldn't allow myself to regret my decisions. I hadn't thought about how that would make me contradict myself over and over again. In the end I decided I didn't want to regret an abortion. I made lists with the pros and the cons of having this child. Then I took my time and decided for myself what I would do. After careful planning I told my boyfriend that I was going to keep my baby and that I wanted him to think about what kind of role he wanted to have in our baby's life, not my life but the baby's life. I gave him a week, cold cut. 

I thought if I have an abortion, then I also want to terminate my relationship. It didn't make sense to stay with someone after deciding I didn't want to have their child. I felt guilty because if didn't want to have children, then why would I continue to be sexually active. Another thing is once the news of the pregnancy was out in front of us, our relationship had changed. Our relationship was different even though the baby was still a tiny fetus. This was a big situation and I had the right to feel that way and I didn't want to pretend that nothing like that had happened between us. The truth is that I loved him, and I couldn't handle his rejection or him blaming me for "forcing" him to stay with me. I wanted a clear answer from the beginning to prevent pain to me but most importantly to prevent pain for my baby.

It turns out, he loved me too. We are together and very happy with our baby. I know how lucky I am. We have a healthy relationship, and I believe it's because we have always been so open with our communication. I had been in relationships where I forgave mixed signals, and I forgave red flags, and overlooked all our fights. This relationship has been different since the beginning and we are still in love, after two years.

how long

As he cupped up from the bed in his arms, and the moon light illuminated her bosom she held on tight to his neck. The warm perspiration of their bodies made them feel closer. She would massage her fingers through his hair, and down his back and then his face. She wanted to touch him everywhere, wanted to devour him with her hands, and her skin. She kept moving her hands as though undecided what she wanted to feel, because she couldn't feel when his skin started and where her skin ended. They were one. She shed a tear of joy and asked "how long have we been apart?, how long has it been?" he responded sadly "I don't know." He felt her lips with his and continued feeding her fire with his fire. They were in ecxtasy. "I never want to be apart from you ever again" she begged him. Together they ruptured sleeping in each others arms in a scent of bliss.

travel to reach love

emptiness

numbness

disconnection

suddenly a proposal

to go through hell to be able to reach fullfilment and completion of souls

disaster, caos, pain

ultimately physical sacrifice

Love, whole complete souls

Week 1 of Dicipline

I felt really sick this morning. My throat was really dry and it felt swollen in the back. It hurt to swallow and I took some Nyquil at 4:30 am. My body felt achy when I woke up, so I told Marcos I was going to sleep in until he got home around 10 am. We came over to my mom's house and had lunch. Now I'm feeling better I think I'm ready to go up to the school and really sit down to plan out the rest of my school so I can graduate soon.

I might have a phone interview with a Food Demo group. I'm excited but worried at the same time. I need a job, but I can't pay for babysitting, but I still need to work. I think it would just be better for me to work even if it's on the weekends because I'm not really making any money with the Mariachi anyway.

We'l figure it out when the time comes...